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Post by muffinz on Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:46 am

Okay, after totally losing steam on Vietnamese Crystal and putting it on hold indefinitely, I thought I was done with screenshot Let's Plays, but I want to do SOMETHING special to celebrate Red & Green's 20th birthday and its re-release. Also, I've always wanted to show more people this masterful trainwreck of a game, and you guys seem like a good place to start!

So, welcome to Pocket Monsters Green Version!

If you're not familiar with this, Pocket Monsters Green Version originated as a regular copy of the Japanese Pokèmon Green. However, someone out there (or a team of someones) had a great idea-- translate the game fully into English, then sell it illegally.

The problem, of course, was that they didn't know English or game programming all that well. What resulted from this was a poorly-translated, buggy, Engrish-filled mess. Yes, this game is absolutely a mess in its current state, but it's a beautiful, charmingly inept mess, and one that I'd love to show off to you guys.

Update 1:

Right off the bat, things look different. Let's see what's in SETUP.

See this? Look at this shit. We've gotta decide whether to VIEW or PASS the FIGHTING CARTOON! Or whether the RULE OF COMPETITION should be replaced or circled! You can probably tell what the top option is, but the lower two are battle animations on/off and Shift mode/Set mode.

Anyways, let's go hit START and get into this.

Right off the bat, you're treated to poor English, awful text spacing, and sentences wrapping over to the next text box mid-word. I'll be taking the liberty of transcribing all the dialogue here to make reading it a little easier on you.
It's our first meeting! Welcome to the world of pocket monster! My name is Aochider I was called. Dr. PET was loved and esteemed by us all!
In this game, he isn't Oak, he's AOCHIDER. What a glorious name. I'm pretty sure it's just a direct transliteration of his Japanese name, and it's probably pronounced something like "Ow-kee-der".

In this world the alive creatures called as pocket monsters live in every corner! The creature named PETwas treated as a pet to take part in the competition! And I'm doing a study of this PET. That is all.
Now, check out that inconsistency there. Throughout this game, you'll notice that the monsters are varyingly referred to as either "Pocket Monsters" or "PET", with the latter appearing to be the more informal name for them. Weird, huh?

Time for a name! Now, I haven't really thought in detail anything about naming themes or funny jokes. This whole Let's Play was actually a pretty spur-of-the-moment thing. I'm writing this post at the same time as I play the game, so nothing's planned out at all! I'll just go ahead and use the first name that comes to mind.

Uh... I'm not sure why that's the first name that came to mind. But I said I'd use the first thing I thought of, so I'm running with it! I think it's pronounced with a long "E" sound, like "Steets".
(BTW, clicking on P2 START doesn't do anything at all.)

I'm not an "it", Aochider! Rude.

This little boy is my grandson ! either your paly partner or your opponent . Well? What's your name?

Our "paly" partner, huh? Yeah, misspellings like this are why I think actual people translated this game. If they'd used a machine translator, all instances of one Japanese word would be replaced with a corresponding English word, but there are real mistakes and misspellings throughout the game.

Paly is a funny word. He's our paly partner, so he's Paly!

Oh,right!now - I rememberit's called Paly!
(For the record, I'm going to be preserving all the capitalization and spacing mistakes in the dialogue. If you see what looks like a missing capital letter or space, it's probably that way in the game too.)

Stets! Now, start your story !dream and adventure! Go to the world of pocket monster! go!

And here we are. As screwed up as this bootleg is, at least those nice nostalgic graphics and music are all the same. In fact, the only real difference is the text! If you feel like playing Red/Blue, playing Green is almost exactly the same aside from some extra glitches here and there.

That's not a computer! Well, okay, it's a "Famicom" in Japan, so I can see how they'd translate it as a computer.

Stets is operating a computer! ......, ......, Ok! It's time to go out for a walk!
Check out those funky ellipses! For some reason, this game almost always puts ellipses in groups of six followed by a comma. You're gonna see that a lot.

What dramatic-sounding options here. I'll go ahead and take the Potion out...

...or should I say, the WOUND CURE. Well, hey, at least it's a very descriptive name.

Mother:Oh,yes! ......boys should go to travel whenever he likes. H'm! ......It is said in TV! Ah,yes! Dr. Aochider living in the next door came to call you!
I'm not a boy, so do I not get to travel? What does your TV say about that?
Anyway, here we have our first objective: go to the next door to answer Dr. Aochider.

But as we go there...

Paly What? Is it Stets?
Paly apparently starts all sentences by saying his name, and he has terrible eyesight. Or at least, that's my headcanon so far from the subtext I've gleaned. :P
My grandpa Aochider isn't in if you want to meet him!
What a polite little kid.

On our way to go find Aochider, let's examine the town some.

Here is =white city. ==== White is a primary colour
No it fucking isn't! This sign is really hilarious to me though. The massive space, the lack of punctuation...

One of my favorite details about the translation in this game is how blunt and nondescript all the explanations of things are. Here is the home of Stets. This topic is the topic of let's play. What I am writing now is words.

It's Aochider! Looks like we've gotta wait him.

Aochider:It was bery dangerous just now!
Yeah, watch out for those berries. Gonna stain your shirt.
The wild PET will run out from the grass ! you can let PET have a try if here there is PETbut ...... wait for ok, follow me!
And just like that, he decides to give us a PET. What a nice old man.

Paly:grandpa! and others are very tired!
Not just Aochider, no: several others are tired as well!

Aochider:Is it Paly? . ...... ......Ah, really? I'm shouting! wait a movement!
This bit of dialogue here is absolutely hilarious to me. My favorite part is his use of "movement" in place of "moment".
Ah, Stets! Are there 3 PET? Ha, ha! There conceals PET in the monster ball! I was famous PET TRAINER for my exellence! but now PET is old, only exists three s.
Did Aochider get old, or did his three PET get old? Who knows.

Paly: Ah! How sly! grandpa! also give me one!
Aochider: H'm! Don't be anxious Paly! select one you like!
He tells Paly to select one, but as usual we've got first pick. Let's check out our options:

SHADO, the lizard
burns the fire on the tail from the time it was born and ends its life as the fire burns out

Why! flame pet is there also a shadow of human figure?
Shado has a cool name and a terrible sprite! To answer Aochider's question, there is no shadow of a human figure, as far as I can tell.

TORTO, the shell
its long neck draws back the shell comfortablly and emits out water.

The PET stepped on the water is dependent on the tortoise?
Apparently, this comfortable, long-necked Torto can step on the water! What a strange creature.

INCON, the seed
is on the back of the plant from the time it was born and it fostered to become gradually larger and larger.

So INCON doesn't have a plant on its back-- INCON is on the back of a plant. This must mean that the real PET here is the bulb!

Really? an unimaginable seed of plant PET . Will it do?
It will do!

This PET is really very healthy and very good!

Stets has reciev INCON from Aochider !

Uh. I actually have no idea what to name this thing. At the time I'm writing this I've sat on the naming screen for 10 minutes. At this point, I'm sick of waiting for inspiration to strike, so I'm going to force myself to come up with a name in less than 10 seconds and use whatever I get.

For some reason Greg was the first word to pop into my head, but it must be misspelled because Engrish. So, uh, I guess his name is Grerg from now on.
This was a terrible idea :V

Paly: Then I want this!

Paly has reciev SHADO from Aochider!

Now, time for our first battle!

Paly: wait a minute! Stets! It's difficult for me to get PET from Grandpa! ......, Act as my opponent !

has made a challenge!

Paly delegated SHADO!

I can't believe this stupid goddamn name I came up with. Okay, to tell the truth, I'm possibly probably not keeping Grerg on my team during the entire game, so we might not have to look at that name forever?

Check this out. Tackle is GO ALL OUT, and Growl is CHIRPS. Aren't those names incredible? I love them. You're gonna be seeing plenty of fantastic move names during this playthrough, don't worry.

FOE SHADO's SCRATCH to assail!
They could've just said FOE SHADO used SCRATCH, but no, its SCRATCH is being used to assail! Isn't that wonderfully unnecessary?

Unfortunately, our own PET's moves will not display that full message.

Uh, that isn't good damage. Hopefully he starts using CHIRPS soon.

There we go.

The enemy's SHADO falls down!
Okay, luckily that wasn't too bad.

Grerg has got 69 an experience value!

Nice stat names, aren't they?

I've won the contest with Paly!
And suddenly, first-person narration.

Well, how it may be that. fool! It's so good for your PET!

Sorry to slow us down with so many shots of standard battle text like this, but I wanna make sure you guys get to see all the text this game has to offer at least once! I'll only show lines like this one and the experience-collecting one once each, to avoid redundancy.

Paly:Well! Compete with other PET first! you'll get stronger and stronger! Stets! grandpa! Then, bye-bye!
Paly's still got a signature line in this one, but it's the much more polite "Then, bye-bye!" as opposed to "Smell you later!" Isn't he such a nice guy?

With that taken care of, it's time to head forth into the first route!

And encounter our first wild battle!

Kelar! Nice name. Most of these names are probably derived from the original Japanese name of the Pokèmon, but butchered into unrecognizability by transliteration and the five-letter limit.

Kelar isn't too big of a deal to deal with. All it has it Go All Out right now.

Here is No.1 hjghway, white city ......, evergreen city
We have our destination! Evergreen City waits for us on the other end of this hjghway. As you can see, the cities are still named after colors in this version, but they're translated differently from the real games.

I'm a clerk of the friendship store,
Nice name.
It's a convenient prop shop .
Nice description.
Next time when you come to the evergreen city welcome you to have a look again! Oh, yes! Give you the sample ......! please!

And another free Potion! Good to have.

Somehow made it through without any more encounters.

We've made it to Evergreen City! You'll notice that the shade of green has changed to be more evergreen-ish.

"How cheap a bulletin board" is the prefix to most signs in the game. Is it written on the sign, or is Stets supposed to be narrating it? We may never know.
How cheap a bulletin board! For PET,except for strength, --has source of vigorous force to show trick
The gist of force ,--------------it is the gist of force for the trick. When hasn't it, ------order them have a rest in centre PET!

This is supposed to be explaining PP, but you'd be forgiven for not realizing it.

Welcome!to our centre PET !Here of PET recovered his strength. Do you deposit the monster ball ?
Barely took any damage, but we might as well show this off before heading back.

Ah,sorry to have let you waiting so long! my deposited PET.How strong all of you are!
I don't know whether the nurse is claiming ownership of my PET or if the text suddenly switched to Stets talking halfway through. Neither option makes sense :V

Okay, time to go pick up the parcel and head back, as usual. I know there's NPC dialogue I could be showing off, but since this is the first part I don't want to spend too much time not progressing. I'll show what they say next time through here.

Ao! you Are you come from white city?

Do you know Dr. Aochider? This is entrusted . Can you transmit it for me? Stets has checked the postal parcel from the shop!

Then, remember me to Dr. Aochider!

That was some... interesting stuff. With a postal parcel in hand, it's time to head back, but not before checking out an easily-missable bit of hilariousness. Try to leave town to the north, and...

Hello! ...... wait a minute! Listen to me! ......Hi! Don't go there! I've said it to you!

Why, grandpa! I can do nothing about it that you sleep here ! Only waiting you to dispel the effects of alcohol!
Yep, he isn't tired, he's drunk! He supposedly had a hangover in the original Japanese version, but the translators just mixed that up with general drunkenness.

With that out of the way, let's head back down No.1 Hjghway to White City.

There is a height difference on the road! To jump down .is really terrific. but ......, can go back white city quickly
Notice the use of "terrific". The translators apparently got "terrific" confused with "terrifying", because they use it that way multiple times during the game.

I'm back!
Aochider: Well! Stets , How about you? The PET ...... I've fostered are all obedient? you should have hand of PETTRAINER! ......What is given to me? Stets gives him something that should be sent to Dr. Aochider!
What a hilariously roundabout sentence. And again with the perspective-switching!
Well! This is the specially-made monster ball that I've ordered ! Thank you, thank you very much!

Paly I've forgotten them all! What's matter?
Oh, everything is matter! Except energy, of course.

Aochider, H'm,yes! Would you be kind enough to dosth. for me?
Dosth? Dosth??? What the heck kind of word is dosth?

(yes i know it's "do something" abbreviated. i can still make fun of it, so shoosh.)

On the table is my illustrated handbook of PET! found the data of PET. It can record automatically. The pages also increase automatically A high science-technologically illustrated handbook!
Okay, "illustrated handbook" is basically a literal translation of the Pokedex's Japanese name as far as I remember, but this is still funny. It makes it sound like it's just a paper notebook with magically-multiplying pages!

Aochider, Stets Paly, these all are kept here by you! Stets recieved the illustrated handbook of PET from Aochider!

Record all made-perfectly illustrated handbooks of PET ---in the world! that's my dream! but, I've become an oldman! I can't undertake to do a difficult job as best one can! thus, you can replace me to realize my dream! then, you two set out at once! This is a great job left on the history of PET!
Sorry I don't have much to say here. It's still funny to me, but there aren't many jokes or comments I can make during this speech that don't sound forced.

Paly, yes, grandpa! Just leave it all to me! Stets! It's a pity that it wouldn't be your turn next! You're right! Borrow a map of the city from my elder sister!
Aww, how nice of you. You're so considerate, Paly.
Tell my elder sister not borrow it to Stets.
you'll waste your energy through having arrived at lotus pool!

Okay, I have no idea what he meant by "lotus pool". There's one location in this bootleg with "lotus" in its name, but we aren't gonna arrive there for a while, and it isn't even a very important place.

All the PETs living in the everywhere are waiting for Stets!
What inspiring words to head out with!

Alright, well, I think this is a good stopping point. We got our Illustrated Handbook (no Monster Balls though), finished the beginning tutorial stuff, and we're ready to actually head out for real. See you soon for the next update!

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Post by Spark Eletran on Mon Feb 29, 2016 3:48 am

Grerg reminds me of Gregj

This translation is incredible tho. I hope Sun and Moon get it as a tenth language, really.
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Post by muffinz on Mon Feb 29, 2016 10:40 pm

Wow, that's weird, I had no idea that existed! I've watched a little bit of Steven Georg's stuff, but not that LP. Full disclosure: I got the name "Stets" from a Steven Universe Youtube Poop that always referred to Steven as that by taking the first syllable of Steven's name and reversing it, and I made the name Grerg by doing the same thing to the name Greg. So it's just a really weird coincidence, I guess!

Update Two! Time to head out of White City and maybe start catching some stuff.

Let's heal up first, though. I can't remember whether we took any damage or not since going to the centre PET.
Mother:Stets......!Go after a slight rest!How about, ......?......
Mother:Hello,hello! The spirits of you and PET are all so good! Then, be careful! Take it easy!

Mom, what did I tell you about eating people's spirits. Stop that.

Ah! This is new. Bobo is a funny name, but I think it's almost exactly what Pidgey's Japanese name is.

Oh my. That's... quite an attack name you have there.

Jeez, its Blow hit home! That's a critical, by the way.

FUN FACT! In generation 1, critical hits don't do a flat 2x damage! Instead, they calculate damage as if the attacking Pokèmon's level was twice its current level. For example, this Bobo's crit just calculated damage as if it was level 6 instead of level 3. This means that the damage is often close to, but not exactly, double. At low levels it does about 1.5 damage, at level 30 it's about 1.8, and at level 100 it's 1.95!

The chances of a critical hit happening are also calculated differently. We'll get into that later!

Anyways, not hard at all.
Wait, no, that wasn't supposed to be an innuendo. Shit.
...i mean, i'm definitely not, but maybe Grerg... nevermind.

Grerg remember PARASITE again!
Parasite??? Yeah, uh, remember what I said about the bulb being the real pocket monster here? This move name just reinforces that. As one of the relatively few people who has played Pocket Monsters Green Version, I believe I have the authority to declare it Official Green Canon that Incon is a sentient, parasitic plant that takes over the body of a stupid little green animal and uses it as a puppet in order to more easily fight and spread its seeds.

Back in Evergreen! Let's explore the place.

It is said that there are 2 kinds of persons who are bored of PET.Don't you know it ?
That's all I can think of when I read this. Let's say "No" first...

...Okay. Now saying "yes":

Kartapy hasn't any poison but has more poison than Bidelu does! Be careful not to be stung by PET!
Apparently Bidelu has a negative amount of poison! He's talking about Caterpie and Weedle here, but somehow the translators made him imply that Kartapy's the one you need to watch out for.

Here is evergreen city -----evergreen is the colour of green forever
These signs are the funniest things so far, I swear. What are we gonna see in Pewter? "Dark grey is grey but darker"?

That is queer ball ......! --yes, it really is PET! It is convenient whenever PET deposit or draw, can do freely
This part has got vaguely-suggestive stuff all over the place, jeez.

Another free wound cure!

Also, we can buy Monster Balls now. Let's do that.

Welcome ! What are you looking for?

Here's our selection of items for the time being! These are all four of them, there aren't any below that. I'll just be buying 5 Monster Balls and two Detoxicate Cures for now.

Is it MONSTER BALL?Is it 1000$?
For whatever reason, they use the Us dollar symbol here instead of that other money symbol that's everywhere else.

yes,please!Thanks for your coming!

Time to start catching stuff! Normally, in a casual run like this, I'd only catch Pokèmon I was considering using on my team, but the Illustrated Handbook entries in this game are often great and I want to show them to you.

First: No.22 Highway!

That's a relatively accurate name! But what do you want to bet both the male and the female have the exact same name?

Stets has used MONSTER BALL!

wonderful! NIDER were finally caught!

The data of NIDER was recorded in the illustrated handbook PETagain !

NIDER, the needle
the power is strong even though it is small the female's horn is smaller. Be careful.

I love these rambling, run-on sentences.

Okay, new rule: I'm going to name every PET the very first thing that comes to mind when I get to the naming screen. I've done it twice, might as well make it official.

I officially hate this new rule. "Geromy" doesn't even fit! No, wait, hold on...

No, that's a real word! Oh, whatever. It doesn't even matter.

Hehe, Machi! That's fun to say.

Uh-oh. Super-effective move from a level 5...


Thank goodness. I think another Peck would've killed him.


MACHI, the bird
is very busy and flies everywhere . No much strength but it is difficult todeal with when parroting.

So it's busy, weak, difficult to deal with, and it parrots others? It's me!

I... eh, fine, that works.

I don't think you can catch the male Nider in Green without an in-game trade later, so let's go to No.1 Hjghway.

Kelar! This one's definitely never gonna see the light of day again, but I wanna see the entry.

KELAR, the mouse
has long and sharp tooth which always grows up by biting off or shaving off the hard object swims with 3-toewebs in the lake.

What a weird animal.

For whatever reason reading "Kelar" always makes me think of this name.

And the other Route 1 catch!

Uh. Wow. Nice text spacing there, geniuses. "Grerg SHIT! It's lowered!"

BOBO, the bird
dislikes fighting hides in the grass can catch insects and alike.

Boring! This entry doesn't even have messed-up grammar or anything.

I... I'm sorry, guys.

I'm so sorry, I just... it has the move Blow, and it was just, it was the first name I thought of, and... I'm a terrible person.

I'm not using the other two, but ItsMe is already pretty decently leveled, and they're definitely gonna be better in the early levels than a Bobo would be. I doubt I'll keep them as a team member for the whole game, but it's nice to at least use two PET to battle instead of one.

Alright, with all the catches from 1 and 22, let's head north! I know there's an optional rival battle I can go fight now, but Paly's already trained his PETs to level 9, and that's too much for me to deal with right at this moment.

sometimes I go shopping to dark grey city ! but the road is zigzag in the woods to the evergreen city!

We are... not talking to you yet. There's something you can do with this old man later, and I am exited to take advantage of it. First of all, we'll need Surf and Fly before we do it, so it'll be a while.

(You know what I'm doing, don't you? Yeah, that's happening. Just you wait...)

Whenever i came here the gym always closes Which fellow on earth is the head here?
"Which fellow on earth" feels almost like foreshadowing the fact that this is a Ground-type gym, even though I know it's just an accident.

......How cheap a bulletin board! All in all,seize PET Propagate largely! Propagate largely! It's that contests with TRAINER, ----The more the better!

Here is road2Evergreen city ......, Grey city
On the road 2 Evergreen city, are we? There's one new catch we can get here.

I actually forgot this myself, but even though Kartapy and Bidelu aren't version exclusives, only one of them appears on route 2 depending on your version, with the other not appearing until you enter the forest.

Spin Silk is a very nondescript move name! On the right you can see the message for "But it failed!"

CATAP, the worm
has a green skin and exuviates several times and then vomits out silk to build a cocoon before becoming an adult

"Vomits" out silk. What a funny way to describe it. I guess its Spin Silk attack was just it barfing all over Grerg, huh? Poor guy.

Why. Why did I do this. I swear, you guys, when I say I'm using the first name that pops into my mind, I'm really doing it. It's resulting in a ton of absolute shit names that don't make any sense, but that's a price we all have to pay.

Look at these names. What the hell is wrong with me. While we're here, let's check some of their status screen stuff.

Grass type is now Weed type. Nice. Here we can see the full stat names: Attack, Protec, Agile, and Specia.

Experience points are Wisdom instead.

And the Bug type is now Reptile. Reptile?? Seriously? I don't get it either.

Sorry for the shorter update, but I think I'm gonna leave it off here. Yesterday's nearly 100-image update took me basically all day to put together, so I'm gonna keep things a little shorter from here on out so I can update regularly. See you next time, possibly tomorrow, when we go into the forest!

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Post by Spark Eletran on Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:41 am

i rly like how it's just. bird. mouse. worm.

they're not Worm Pokémon

they're just


that's it
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Post by muffinz on Tue Mar 01, 2016 12:58 am

actually i didn't really realize that but you're right

Now I really want to go back and edit my transcriptions of all the Illustrated Handbook entries so they just say "[name], the [title]" because that's definitely funnier

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Post by Captain on Tue Mar 01, 2016 3:47 pm

Ah, bad translations.

For a moment there I thought uyou were naming your pidgey succ bc its a Bobo (ie a boob). But no, that reason works too. Btw, Pidgey in Japanese is Poppo, so yeah, basically the same name.

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Post by muffinz on Thu Mar 03, 2016 2:51 am

Sorry for the delay, but I've been pretty sick the past two days. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit at the computer and stare at the screen for the 2+ hours it takes to play and write. I feel like I'm starting to get better, so I may or may not be well enough to make the next update tomorrow. Again, I'm really sorry about this happening right at the beginning like this.

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